Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
