He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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