i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
