I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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