Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
