Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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