whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
