I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize