Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
