i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You took a bar mat shot.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
