This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize