No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
COCAINE IS GR8
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
