i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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