I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
