If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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