I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
