Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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