her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
