Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
