woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
