I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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