watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
