So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
