I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
