As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We need to rekindle our bromance
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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