i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
