She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
