I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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