cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
