garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
