HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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