Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
