your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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