sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
