Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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