a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
