During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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