One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
