somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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