lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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