im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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