Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
