just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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