I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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