Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
