At least make sure they are 18
Why
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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