so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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