Pappa wants mamma naked
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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