You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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