She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize