he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
