Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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