I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Randomize