girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
