Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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