ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
