i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
