Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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