I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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