C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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