Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
