He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Randomize
