woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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