Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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