You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
