I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
