drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
