mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
