And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
