I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
