Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
